Non-fertility related whine:

I've had this bump on my back for about 5 years now. When I first noticed it, it was about the size of a pencil eraser. Now it's about the size of three fingers wide. And today it started to hurt, badly, and become really hard. From what I've been reading tonight, that means it's probably infected.

So, tomorrow, I'll set up an appointment with a dermatologist to get it removed and deal with the pain until we can get in.

So, so sick of doctors.

It took 4 pokes and a lot of prodding to get blood out of me this morning. I think I've decided to just nag them to take it from my hand. The stab hurts more, but it doesn't bruise and it doesn't take them rooting around in my arm with the needle for ages, or stabbing and stabbing and stabbing with no result. And the pain, really, is very minimal.

When she tried my usual vein this morning, she'd had the needle in there looking for it so long that when she hit it, it hurt so much I actually yelped and she pulled out without getting any blood. I've never had that. I know I'm sensitive to pain, but usually needle sticks don't affect me at all.

Anyway, P4 results tomorrow afternoon, hopefully.

Appointment to see the dermatolotist about this freaking painful lump next Wednesday. I looked up the removal procedure and it's not that horrid. Local anesthetic, small incision, usually not even any stitches. I might have to wait through a dose of antibiotics first, though. Could do with some local anestetic now, really. It's keeping me from sleeping.

P4 came back negative for ovulation. So now it's just waiting on a period again.

I wish we could just start an IUI/injectibles cycle, really. All of these baby steps feel pointless, to a degree.

So today I went to the dermatologist. Who was incrediby sweet and swift. They gave me a local, but it didn't do anything except add the pain of getting a shot. And then she cut it open and drained it by pressing everything out. For a spot that's so tender that I yelp with Shawn barely brushing it, the pressing was very not fun. But I didn't cry, and I only whimpered a little. We dropped off a prescription for antibiotics, and we'll go back on November 1st to have the rest surgically removed. It's still tender now, but not as painful. She said to take some Aleve for inflammation, but with what I've read about them and their possible effect on ovulation, I'd rather not.

She was so nice she made me want to be vain enough to go in for laser hair removal or acne treatment. Sadly, I just don't care. Though if I decide to have that tattoo on my ankle removed, I know where I'm going.

Beta was negative. Which was duh since I didn't ovulate. Starting on the next round of Prometrium tonight.

Wish I could say I was feeling hopeful, or even determined, but really I'm just sad. Maybe once the next cycle starts that'll change.

Finally, after 6 days of antibiotics the stuff coming out of the hole in my back is the actual material making up the cyst (blister-like fluid with bits of semi-solid white stuff) and not the infection that surrounded it. There's still infection in there - I can feel the soreness where it's at, and it's still inflamed and warm to the touch. But it's healing, which is a big relief, seeing as it was starting to feel like there was no end to it.

Can't help but wonder at the coincidence that the day it starts healing is the day I start doing T'ai Chi again.

Something I've been pondering since my third or fourth time in the small waiting room at the RE's office is the silence of it. I mean, I understand the boundaries and silence when seeing most doctors. And I understand how social convention would follow that notion to all doctors. But the RE's waiting room is so different in tone from any other. And we could benefit from communication while we're there - bond forging, even if only for a few moments. I walked out from my last appointment and there was a woman waiting alone, and her eyes were teary. I smiled at her and she seemed shocked even by that one gesture of understanding, and then smiled back.

How do you start a conversation and not seem (or be) intrusive or annoying? Is there a way to break the silence?

I'm so temped to just plop down next to someone and go, "So what are you in for?"

It works in prisons.

Yay! and eeeeeeeek.