I was really dreading today's ultrasound as the LH kits are showing a whole lot of nothing at all. I bought brand-name as instructed, but I'm doubtful of them and tempted to grab some cheapo ones. Even the test line isn't particularly bright, and Veronica (our tech) told us today that we should be getting some sort of line based on what she was seeing.

We have two promising follicles this month, one on each ovary - 14mm and 16mm. We go back on Sunday to the Tampa office to check again, but she says we'll probaby be able to trigger Sunday night. Though she said that last month, too, so I'm still a bit wary of bright optimism.

(Not that ovulation = pregnancy. 80% of women ovulate on Clomid, only 40% of those go on to get pregnant. But it'd be nice to see some sort of progress.)

I will always find something to complain about, even when extremely excited.

Both follicles are 19mm. We trigger tonight between 8pm and 10pm. Shawn works overnights this week. His shift starts at 8:30pm.

ARGH.

His butt is just going to have to be late. I wonder if you can get a doctor's note for sex?

PS - I hate the Tampa office staff. I told them that I don't have a copay for procedures. The chick was like, "Well, if you don't want to pay it, we'll bill you for it." Hello? BILL ME? You people owe me $193 for copays and procedures I paid for that I didn't need to as it is. How about sending me a check?

I just triggered with my chipped-nail-polish fingernails (tsk!). It didn't hurt at all. Now we just have to make like bunnies for a few days then wait and hope for the best.

Wish us luck. See you on the other side of the 2WW. (Not that I won't probably come up with something to blather about before then.)

The kits finally showed a surge. Which is not really all that useful since I know I'm going to ovulate between 8 a.m. and 1 p.m. tomorrow.

I really think they were crap, since even with the surge showing (both lines the same color), the lines were still faint. I'd take a picture, but my camera's in the car, and the car is with Shawn.

Stupid expensive sticks.

Why does everyone in your circle get pregnant (or think they might be) while you're in your 2WW or just gotten a negative? Why can't the universe rearrange these things so that it happens during the few days when you're past recovering another negative and in the hopeful/enthusiastic pre-ovulation phase rather than the pensive, obsessive post-ovulation wait or the deeply depressed post-negative recovery?

I guess when your world revolves around the tiny windows of parts of cycles you want everyone else's world to do so, too.

PS: sore nipples from hormones + knitting needles = all kinds of bad.

So I'm here, day 6 of the 2WW, trying not to lose my mind. Luckily we're getting out of town this weekend so the last few days of it I'll be distracted. The three possibles: not pregnant, pregnant, pregnant with twins. Obviously, middle is what we're shooting for. I don't know what the odds of each are and I'm trying my best not to go look it up and find out, because it won't mean anything except going extra crazy.

I've probably said this a zillion times but the not having anything to do is driving me completely bonkers. It's one thing when you're going in for ultrasounds and bloodwork and whatever else. You feel like you're doing something to move the process along. But all I can do now is hope, wish, and try to coax my body into performing.

I know I need to relax but I just don't know how. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to eat. The only thing that helps is talking about it, but who to talk to?

7 days to go. I'll be out of town that day, so I guess I'll wait to see if I start instead of testing (can't early test thanks to the trigger shot) - and I'm so not testing before we drive over there.

I'm so tempted to test tomorrow, but I really don't want to ruin our trip. On the other hand if I test and it's negative I'll have two days of trip to distract me (and the vague hope left that I tested too early). I'll have 3 hours in the car to talk and cry it out, then the comfort of my sanctuary, and then lots of fun with Lin and my aunt.

In the end, I can't say whether that will be enough to distract.

Decisions, eh?

We've been given another Clomid cycle rather than doing the HSG just yet. It was good coming back from vacation and going right into the next cycle - this morning the ultrasound, and tonight starting Clomid.

The fatigue is subsiding. I've noticed it little by little lately, but it was really obvious Sunday when we walked a ton and while I could feel how out of shape I am, I didn't have any fatigue issues at all. I've made a bunch of positive changes lately (early morning schedule, green tea, Effexor in the mornings, etc), plus the Glucophage is finally being fully absorbed into my system. This is really exciting for me. Being able to be healthy without the Pill would be amazing. I'm going to try to do some Pilates the next day Shawn works.

Next Wednesday I have minor surgery to have the rest of the cyst removed. I'll be glad to be done with it.

"It must be fun to try to get pregnant - I was always trying not to!"

It's fun the first few cycles, kinda, I'd imagine, if you don't know there's anything wrong. With my history I knew there'd be trouble, so there was trepidation and fear from the start. Side effects from fertility drugs are not fun. Injecting medications and getting bloodwork is not fun. Vaginal ultrasounds are not fun (I'm so sensitive that they're often painful). Spending a ton of money on these things isn't fun. Negative pregnancy tests aren't fun, nor is the two weeks of dreading one between ovulation and testing. Sex on a clock isn't fun. 6 years of marriage with no children is devastating.

I can't think of any part of trying that's fun at this stage. It all pretty much sucks.

"Fertility drugs?! You'll have a litter!"

There's about a 9% chance for a multiple birth pregnancy with Clomid, and the risk of a triplet pregnancy is less than 1%. With injectibles, the chance raises to 25-30%, with 5% for triplets.

that I can't even get my Sims pregnant.