Our consultation was today. I ovulated last cycle, and ovulated when I should've, but probably developed a cyst that kept my period from starting.

We're prepping for an HSG this month. I dropped off the prescriptions for Prometrium, Anaprox, and doxycycline. Tomorrow I call for results of the beta (uh, not ovulated this cycle means negative beta, eh?) I'll start the Prometrium Thursday, start around the middle of the month, whatever Thursday is within cycle days 5-12 will be the HSG itself.

Then? On to injectables with IUI. Unless we take a break.

It's a big decision. There's a bit of increased fertility the three cycles after an HSG. But I'm not sure our finances will support the costs. $52 for the injection class. $20 for the LH kits. $377-2280 for the injectables (not sure if we'll get any discounts for those medications through our insurance or not, or how much we'll need). $30 for the Ovidrel. $310 for the IUI. And then there's the possibility of them not covering ultrasounds for IUI cycles, which would mean another $360-$1080. That's a minimum of around $800 per cycle, with a potential of around $3,600. Yikes, eh? Anyone have $10k they want to give us?

We have another couple days to think on it and work out the numbers, call the insurance company, etc. We'll see.

I have a cold.

And I'm going crazy.

This isn't really a good combination.

I haven't called about the beta yet. I want to be able to tell the nurse whether we'll be breaking or not, and the email response from the insurance people was asinine and useless, so Shawn'll have to call them. Hopefully tomorrow since he overslept today.

I think if we break, it'll be beforethe HSG, and for six months.

The rational side of me is itching for a break. Some time to de-stress, get my body back in better order (this time we won't have to wait months and months while my health deteriorates off the pill), save up money, detox off the Effexor, up the Glucophage, etc. Give us our best chances for this working.

But there's this other side, that whenever I start thinking a break is best, freaks the hell out. I don't know why, but it does. It wants to push ahead, especially to check to see if my tubes are blocked. It's not like not knowing for six months is going to be a catastrophe. It's not like waiting six months is going to hurt our chances (barring unforeseen tragedy).

Then again, things going as they are, I'm going to end up in the loony bin and I won't have to worry about any of it.

Well, we got some definite pricing answers today. Assuming 2 amps a day for seven days is good enough (we were told we'd start with 1 or 2 amps a day but she didn't say how many days they do), it'll be $52 for the initial injectables training, plus $825 per cycle for the meds and IUI (this doesn't include things like LH kits and preseed and pregnancy tests). About $2475 altogether. Which is a hell of a lot better than $11,000. But still enough that I think we might take a break. Try to sell the car, get our tax refund back, see if there's any bonus at all (doubtful) coming in, and stuff away any spare dollars we have. Hope that the businesses and people who owe us money pay us (also doubtful). We can do an emergency withdrawal on the 401K but it's something we're really avoiding since we lose 30% off the top. If we plow straight ahead, it's probably what we'll have to do. If we take a break, we will probably be able to avoid it.

Hopefully we'll be able to come to a decision before Monday. I can call and get the beta results and proceed one way or the other. On the 19th I see my regular doctor and if we're breaking, get back on the pill and spiro, if we're not, see about upping the Glucophage.

My heart is being wrenched so badly by this.

We're waiting until September. I'm going back on birth control and Spiro.

This is heartwrenching, and it was a really hard conclusion to come to, but we're just not financially there, for a handful of reasons. It also makes sense to get my body in a healthier place so we have a better chance for our three or four cycles.

There's more I could say, but really, it's too painful. I know it's "just a break" but it really does hurt to put it off... again.

Effexor withdrawal is not being kind to me. It could be worse, I've read worse. I've felt worse. All day I was falling asleep. Until I took my dose. Then, and only then, was I wide awake - I've been cleaning all night, as much as fatigue allows. I'm going to have to switch to taking everything mornings again. I can't be up all night and then go to the gym. It just doesn't work well.

A general rundown after a week:

So far things are going pretty good. I'm really sleepy all the time, but no big deal.

I'm down to 112.5 on the Effexor, and I feel a little moodiness (mostly surfacing as random insecurity), but my max heart rate after 10 minutes on the treadmill was only 154 as opposed to 180 after 5 minutes last week. I'm feeling a bit less fatigue. A bit. And my sex drive is returning (sorry, Mom!).

I'm keeping an exercise log at the rec center, rather than one online. It's just simpler at the moment, since every website I find for logging has a focus on weight loss, and I don't want to associate myself with those sorts of things.

The withdrawal is going so well, I think I'll try going down to 75 next week instead of waiting two weeks like the doc suggested.

Even knowing what I'm giving up to pursue this, I'm pretty happy with the way things are progressing.