It's 6 in the morning and I'm nowhere near sleep. I've pretty much given up for the moment. We need to go sign the lease tomorrow and I'm going to be crashed out for it. I'm not looking forward to it anyway. I'm so.. so.. antisocial these days. It's the only thing keeping me sane(ish).

Today I hit a wall, feeling suicidal. Not to the point of actually doing anything, but to the point of desire for it. I hardly slept last night, then when I did, the dreams kept me from resting. I woke up stressed, and the stress built throughout the day, with grief mixing in.

It's to a point where I can't just wait it out anymore, so I emailed my doctor to see about upping Spiro or switching birth control. We'll see what she says. Hopefully I won't have to go in -- it's a tight paycheck and I'd have to filch from savings. (Not to mention, hello, antisocial.)

But something is definitely wrong, and it's time to shut up with the whining and fix it.